Spring time in the District of Columbia. It was one of the many times that the influx of tourists flocking to the city in order to catch the yearly blooming of the cherry blossoms didn’t bother her. She could understand the fascination. The trees that had been stripped barren of all life months prior slowly started to wake from their winter slumber, and overnight, the entire area around the tidal basin and surrounding area was brought to life in shades of bright pink. Shay had always been angry that she was’t an artist. Had she had the talent and the eye, she would have attempted to capture it. However, being down there surrounded by the beauty and throngs of people would have to suffice. It was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of it all.

It was strange to see only a few people milling about, but she didn’t give much thought to it. Although she had searched for her phone, she couldn’t seem to locate it or know what time it was. From her seat on the steps of the Jefferson memorial, she pressed her palms into the cool marble and tipped her head back, attempting to call upon what little knowledge she could remember from her short stint in the girl scouts. She was sure that at some point, they had been taught how to tell the time by using the sun and its position in the sky, utilizing the shadow to gain the intended knowledge but she was coming up blank. It didn’t matter, really. She could be there all day. The temperature was comfortably warm and the gentle lapping of the water against the basin’s sides and the faint chatter of people nearby and on the water lulled her into dreamlike state.

“Shayla.”

Eyes closed, her eyebrows shot up in surprise at her own named being called. It was barely above a whisper and yet she heard it clearly. Alert once again, she glanced around to see where it was coming from. A figure walked from behind one of the columns of the monument and she had to shield her eyes and squint to see who it was. The willowy frame came toward her, her face still obstructed by the sunlight and not giving her the ability to label who the person was. Blinking a few times to get the sun out of her eyes, the figure stopped beside her and took a seat, pulling her legs up into her chest and wrapping her arms around them, chin propped up on her knees. While unrecognizable, Shay made no attempt to find out more about the person and instead followed their gaze back out onto the water. They sat in companionable silence as the paddle boats inched across the water’s surface.

“Spring time in D.C. was always my favorite.” The stranger was the first to break the silence and instead of answering, Shay managed to nod her head while still staring out at the water. “So full of life, of possibility. It’s the kind of thing that you only realize you take for granted when it’s no longer an option for you.”

The statement caught Shay off guard and for the first time since her companion had joined her, she looked over, suddenly interested in who she was. Her side profile was oddly familiar. High cheekbones and sharp nose, they were like her own. The woman turned to face Shay straight on and offered a small smile. Similar facial structure with the slight pout of the lips. The younger woman’s eyes widened in recognition as the older of the two let out a soft laugh. “I always hoped you’d turn out to be prettier than you were when you were born. You weren’t exactly the world’s cutest baby.”

“Mom?”

There was a wave of the hand and a dramatic eye roll to follow the question. “Oh god, now that just makes me feel old. Please don’t call me that. Call me,” she paused and threw a glance over to the side, palming a handful of fallen cherry blossom petals that had blown over their direction. Throwing them into the air, she let out a breath and watched as the danced on the wind momentarily before falling to the ground once more. The realiation that she had stopped mid-sentence became evident, and so she continued, “I don’t know, just don’t call me mom. That never fit.” She made a face before once again wrapping her arms around her legs assuming her previous position. There was something about that statement that struck Shay. It was borderline offensive, as if her birth meant absolutely nothing to the woman who had carried her for nine months. Shay’s silence caused the woman to look over and her features contorted to reflect that she was mildly annoyed. “Oh come on, you can’t be offended by that, I was a shit mother. Hardly deserving of the title. Hell, I probably did you a favor leaving you in the care of Cyril and Sheila.”

“Leave me? You were shot, by a fellow junkie. That doesn’t exactly constitute a conscious decision to leave, you put yourself in the position to be killed.”

The response was met with a low whistle and slow clap of the hands. Annoyed by her presence, Shayla glanced over and shot her a withering stare which was met with a laugh. “It’s good to see that the accident didn’t dull your sharp tongue. Thank god, your life is otherwise boring to watch. Save for the recent spikes in activity. To which I say, damn girl and enjoy it while you can.”

She felt exposed all of a sudden. How did this woman know anything about her life? Standing to her feet, she peered down at her and shook her head. “How the hell do you even know what my life has been like? You’ve been dead for years, and to be honest you’ve been dead for even longer than that to me. And what does that even mean? ‘Enjoy it while you can.’ Are you privy to information on how my life trajectory is going to go?” The only response to that was a simple shoulder shrug while staring out onto the water again. An exasperated sigh escaped the young woman as she turned and started her descent down the marble steps and back onto the main walking area. She heard the shuffling of feet behind her and soon, her unwanted companion was back at her side.

“You don’t think you honestly get to walk away from me right? Oh, that’s cute, you think you do.” A hand came down onto Shay’s shoulder, stopping her stride and holding in her place. She marveled at how heavy it was. Weren’t apparitions supposed to be unable to physically interact? A slow smile spread across her face, as if she could read her thoughts. “I’m very much real, sweet girl. About as real as it gets for you at this point, and I’m here to tell you something. You don’t matter.”

“Excuse me?”

“You.Don’t.Matter. Do you need me to say it again? Perhaps a little more slowly?” The words were dripping with sarcasm and were followed by an eye roll at Shayla’s inability to grasp the meaning of what was said. “Oh my god, it really is a good thing that you’re pretty because god damn, did you inherit your father’s inability to take a hint. Has it not become painfully obvious to you that you don’t matter? What else does life have to throw at you before you get that your existence on the living plane has absolutely no meaning?” The woman’s words hit her with yet another unexpected pang of offense, which when made evident by Shay's reaction? Caused the her mother to flash a satisfied smile. “Now you get it. I can see it in your eyes. Take it in, Shayla. This is a world in which you don’t exist. Where Boston’s finest didn’t make it on time and you laid there, taking in your last breaths hoping that someone, anyone would remember you. That maybe you made a difference in someone’s life….”

“You don’t even know, you weren’t even there…” she began but was silenced by a simple lift of a hand. Confused by her inability to speak, she offered an accusatory glance to her companion, who once again shrugged it off before taking a hold of Shay’s arms and pulling her toward the guard rail around the rotunda.

“Look out there. You see the familiar faces? They’re all there. All of them. All the people you love and hold dear. They’re out there, living their lives. Not one of them is thinking about the poor girl that died that night. Not one of them is pausing to say, ‘Shay should be here’ because they can’t remember. Actually, they don’t want to, because you not being there doesn’t alter their lives one bit.”

Eyes back on the water, she caught sight of the faces in the paddle boats, the handful of people standing yards away under the shade of the trees. She was right, they were all familiar faces. She tried to call out to them but couldn’t. She hadn’t regained the ability to speak. A soft ‘tsk’ came from her side as the other woman leaned forward onto the gguard rail. “They won’t be able to hear you. You don’t exist. You’re gone, you never made it and quite frankly the world still kept spinning madly on.”

This didn’t make sense. None of it did. When was the last time that she had spent Spring in Washington D.C.? It had been years since she had been back for peek cherry blossom season. Spring was always a time in which Samantha’s client base seemed to spike and it kept her, more often than not, tethered to the office. She had longed to be home for it, though. The photographs that Cyril would send with the simple ‘wish you were here’ were enough to make her want to drop everything and take the train down, but responsibility kept her back in Boston. The fact that she was there, in that moment, it made no sense. And the communication with her mother? How was that even possible? Her passing had been so long ago, Shay could hardly remember the service, let alone any conversation that was had.

This can’t be real. Her own mother’s words were ones that had crossed her mind once or twice. During those dark moments in recovery, it had been the ever-present dark cloud looming. Why all the trying? Why the struggle to get better? What was it worth? With a majority of her memories no longer present, what kind of life was she preparing herself to return back to? She had never wanted to be a burden on anyone, especially Cyril, so why attempt to return to some semblance of normal life if she wasn’t sure there would be anything to return to?

”Stay with me. There’s not much to go back to. It’s not like anyone’s going to notice, anyway.”

"They’ll notice. They will.” while it was a statement, it was laced with uncertainty. This brought a small smile to her mother’s face.